MUSE ; MEASURING INTELLIGENCE.

we've thrown around compliments all our lives - "i want to be smart like you," "how are you so smart?" "god you're such a genius." first it seemed to be based off just doing well at school, performing well on tests, getting straight A's. gradually 'being smart' became less and less associated with grades, though (since who really knows each other's grades after a certain point in our lives?). it wasn't the achievements either - sure, they'd get people praising, but they didn't merit 'smart', they just got "wow, you're good at ____."

what is being intelligent, really? let's take a definition:

in·tel·li·gent /ɪnˈtɛlɪdʒənt/ (adj) - having good understanding or a high mental capacity; quick to comprehend

obviously as a cognitive science/psychology college student, this definition is highly problematic (high mental capacity? this is a whole other realm to define). people have tried to measure intelligence with IQ tests, higher brain activity, and so much more, which isn't so much of a problem to me. yes, going by this definition, being able to solve IQ test problems more quickly would insinuate faster comprehension, faster mind clockwork. but there comes a moment in life (read: after high school) when those moments where spitting out answers to math problems or finding the next sequence of a pattern don't come as easily, and people are left using 'smart' or 'intelligent' for the wrong reasons.

from day one and still, in my third year of college, i've found it's the talking, it's the opinions, it's the confidence that people have decided to garner intelligence from. find yourself in the middle of a debate with a smooth talker with a battlefield of encyclopedic knowledge (or bs? it's just the same, as long as it 'sounds smart') to back him up, and you're left with nothing to say except that you just wish you could be as 'smart', as 'intelligent.' there are so many people who appear to be smart because they exude this confidence that screams that they are; they want you to make damn sure you know that they know some stuff, whether you are at that level or not.

and again, this is great for all those extroverted people who are sure of themselves, and who can give off a vibe of being so confident even if they're wrong (the most dangerous kind), but where does that leave someone like me? someone a little too careful with her words, too careful to form opinions and opening her mouth before being real sure, someone too likely to give chances to the opposite side, someone who knows enough but can't seem to formulate into quick, snappy words enough to carry her point across. basically, someone who is lacking that confidence to tell you she's smart enough. maybe not smart, but smart enough to take part.

i read (some of) the invisible gorilla this summer & my favorite chapter was on precisely this - why do we trust and respect confident people more? why do we prefer doctors who speak confidently in a diagnosis rather than a more cautious one that's not afraid to double check a reference book? why are we so tied up in illusion of self-confidence, that anyone who knows something must be sure?

don't think that the loudest ones are the only ones to be heard.

photo | maxwell tomlinson ; flickr

PERS ; DEFINE 'ADULT'.

i used to think i was mature. i don't know what i was thinking; maybe because the people who i thought knew me best would always tell me so, or maybe i just wanted to believe so much that i was more rational and better at decision making than the rest. it wasn't so much that i made the right choices, but i thought i knew right from wrong, i thought i knew when i was being irrational, i thought i was doing the best i could for myself and the people i loved.

now i'm a day from turning twenty. i can't call myself anything but a real adult now, and although the fullest privileges of drinking and clubbing and what not are still a year away, i don't have that "teen" suffix to my age anymore to account for my stupid mistakes. and never have i felt younger than i have now. i feel my brain moving in retrograde as i try to catch up to a culture and a language i had no idea of while slowly losing everything about the other in the process. my vocabulary is shrinking. i don't write anymore. i want to catch up to so many things but i can't keep everything else, since a brain is a finite thing - i can't buy myself more memory.

not to mention i am still such a brat. who wouldn't know that i was the youngest child? everything i do is because i want it. have i ever really been selfless? (has anyone? but that's irrelevant right now). more than that, have i ever really wanted to? have i really thought about anyone else's perspective, or do i just bitch on and on in my blog about how this tiny portion of my life sucks when everything else is so so good?

i hope today in the last day of my teens i will finally realize that i am lucky. not even the fact that i am well off, at a good school, with a supportive family and great friends, but i still have the will to keep going and i haven't given up yet no matter how degraded i may feel, no matter how much my own perception of myself has tanked. i need to be positive, and let others know how grateful i am before i lose it all. most importantly i hope i will learn once and for all that independence and learning to be alone is not the same as maturity, and that learning to give someone my all is just as, if not even more important.

i have always thought you were young and naive but little did i know i was even more so. once again you show me that what i think i know isn't everything. thank you.

photo | look left and look right ; flickr